He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who died my cat blue again?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
