Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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