Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
