I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
