Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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