I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
