Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
