I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
