Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
