Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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