I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
