Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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