her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
