definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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