Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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