butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish I only lived at night.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
