Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
