I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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