tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
