You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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