Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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