he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
