there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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