I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
