dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
