So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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