I heard we made out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
