If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
