I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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