I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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