i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
