I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
