ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
