You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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