Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
