Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
