woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
