Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
