My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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