i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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