dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
