and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
