Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
