put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
