last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
