shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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