just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
