I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
