writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
