Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
