my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
