and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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