So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the condom got lost in my hair
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She needs sedatives and a leash
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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