Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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