worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
