I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
