the condom got lost in my hair
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
