I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
