have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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