apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
